What a good plan covers

The regular schedule

Where the children are on each day of a normal week or fortnight, including who does drop-off and pick-up and at what time. Be specific. “Every other weekend” leaves out whether that includes Sunday night, who collects from school on Monday, and what happens on a public holiday weekend.

Holidays and special days

School vacations, Thanksgiving, winter and spring breaks, birthdays, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, and any days that matter to your family. Most plans alternate the major holidays by odd and even years, which removes an annual negotiation.

Decision-making

Who decides about schooling, non-emergency medical treatment, religious upbringing and significant extracurricular commitments. Joint decision-making needs a tie-breaker for when you cannot agree, otherwise it becomes a route back to court.

Communication

How the two of you will communicate about the children, how quickly you will respond, and how a child keeps in touch with the other parent when they are not there. Some plans specify a co-parenting app, which keeps a record and takes the heat out of exchanges.

The practical detail

Where handovers happen. How you handle a child being sick. What notice is needed to swap a weekend. Travel, including whether either of you can take the children out of state or abroad and what consent is required. Introducing new partners, if you want to address it.

What happens when it stops working

A review point, and an agreement to return to mediation before filing anything if a dispute arises. It costs nothing to include and saves a great deal later.

Writing it so it still works in three years

• Write for the relationship at its worst, not at its best. The plan is there for the weeks when you are not getting on.
• Avoid “as agreed between the parents” for anything important. It is fine as a flexibility clause on top of a clear default, and useless as the default itself.
• Match the schedule to the child’s age. What suits a four-year-old will not suit a fourteen-year-old.
• Build in a review, so adjusting it is normal rather than a confrontation.

Common questions

Does a parenting plan have to be fifty-fifty?

No. The plan should reflect what works for your children and your circumstances. Equal time suits some families and not others, and courts look at the child’s interests rather than parental fairness.

What if my child does not want to follow the schedule?

It happens, particularly with teenagers. A plan that allows for a child’s growing voice, and a co-parenting relationship that lets you discuss it calmly, handles this far better than a rigid order.

Can we change the plan without going back to court?

You can agree changes informally, but the order on file is what is enforceable. For anything significant, have the change formalised. See changing an existing order.